


Hum

by Esselle



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Canon Universe, Falling In Love, First Time, Fluff, Friendship/Love, Growing Up, M/M, Mutual Pining, Non-Explicit, Singing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-10
Updated: 2016-09-18
Packaged: 2018-08-14 06:58:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8002747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Esselle/pseuds/Esselle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'Kageyama is singing.</p><p>There aren't words, to whatever song it is, or if there are, then Hinata's never heard the tune and wouldn't know them. The little, low murmur bounces off the tile, echoes in the space, washing over him and making him feel warm and soft all over.</p><p>He has a nice voice, Hinata realizes. Kageyama has a <i>nice</i> voice, and who would have ever believed that?'</p><p>--</p><p>Kageyama can sing. On the long list of things Hinata learns he loves about his best friend through the years, this may be near the top.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy KageHina day! Please accept some utter loving fluff on this most special of days <3

The first time Hinata ever hears it is at summer training camp their first year of high school.

He and Kageyama have been reprimanded for fighting (again), and they're made to stay late and help with the clean up post dinner (again), which takes an absurdly long time given the amount of rampaging teens the cafeteria was just forced to endure. Even helping the cleaning staff, they aren't done for nearly an hour, which means everyone else has already taken their baths and started to filter off to bed.

Hinata and Kageyama get the leftover bathwater. Kageyama blames Hinata bitterly for this—but it was just as much his fault as it was Hinata's, because if he hadn't kept calling Hinata a dumbass, Hinata wouldn't have snapped and called him a lukewarm meatbun, "if all the meat in the bun was replaced with _poo_ instead", which had resulted in Kageyama trying to put him in an armbar in the middle of their flying falls penalty. Sawamura had not been amused.

And so, an hour after everyone else has showered and gone on their way, Hinata and Kageyama make their way down the hall to the baths. They arrive outside the door, jostling for positioning, both trying to get through the door at once, before they suddenly pop through it like a cork from a bottle. Hinata almost loses his footing on the slippery tile. Kageyama grabs his arm before he smashes his chin into the floor.

"Dumbass," he says, for the millionth time that day.

By the time they make it into the water, they are exhausted again, worn out from another attempt at wrestling that only stops when Kageyama's towel starts to fall off and Hinata pushes him away while yelling about pervert setters. Kageyama glares at him but doesn't respond, and the fight is put on standstill as Hinata shucks off his towel and clambers into the bath with maximum splashing.

He wades to the far side of the bath when Kageyama enters, purposefully ignoring him, under the guise of irritation.

The argument has provided him with a fortunate motive.

His breathing is a bit quick and his face red because they were shouting and fighting, not because he's embarrassed, or feeling awkward, or a little too excited, at being alone with Kageyama in the baths.

He's ignoring Kageyama, avoiding eye contact, because Kageyama deserves it after being rude and mean, not because Hinata can barely stand to look at him as he unwinds the towel from his waist and climbs in, the water settling over his long legs and broad shoulders.

He's not talking because he's pouting, not because he's not sure he can make any sounds that won't be totally humiliating, having found himself alone and naked with the same person causing him to suffer the biggest and stupidest crush he's ever experienced in his entire life.

The water has cooled considerably at that point, and the bath is not at all the comforting reprieve it would usually be, but they still sit in silence for what feels like far too long.

"Hey," Kageyama eventually grunts.

Hinata grunts back.

"Earlier, when we lost the game to Nekoma—"

Hinata exhales a sigh that is a bit more like a low scream, because he knows what's coming. Kageyama perseveres through gritted teeth.

"—you did—alright. You did some alright things."

Very slowly, Hinata rotates his body in the water to look at him. Kageyama's expression is one of great pain.

"You really sucked at a bunch of stuff," he continues.

Hinata turns his back on him.

 _"But,_ " Kageyama says quickly, "there were things that weren't completely terrible." Upon receiving no response, he sighs heavily, and says, "You had some good spikes."

"Oh my gosh," Hinata says, spinning around again to glare. "Would you just say sorry already?"

 _"Get out,_ " Kageyama snarls, and Hinata springs up and out of the bath.

Maybe, though… maybe Kageyama gets it. That Hinata knowing he's trying to say sorry is (almost) apology enough. That Hinata understands he's trying.

Maybe simply knowing that Hinata understands him makes him do what he does next.

Hinata takes a little while to dry off and get dressed, but he's decided to wait for Kageyama. Kageyama obviously isn't expecting this, and after some moments have passed, Hinata hears it.

The sound is low at first, low enough that Hinata doesn't register much other than the low buzz of the lights and the ripples of the water. But then it gets louder and he perks his head up.

It's a low, deep sound, soft and melodic and a little laced with the tired weariness that comes at the end of a long day. But it's a pleasant sound, a happy sound, a murmur that bubbles out of the body when it's relaxed and glad, never anything else. Hinata freezes by the door, hand still reaching for it.

Kageyama is singing.

Maybe _humming_ is a more appropriate word. There aren't words, to whatever song it is, or if there are, then Hinata's never heard the tune and wouldn't know them. The little, low murmur bounces off the tile, echoing in the space, washing over him and making him feel warm and soft all over, they way the cooling bath water had utterly failed to do.

He has a nice voice, Hinata realizes. Kageyama has a _nice_ voice, and who would have ever believed that?

It's not that it's breathtaking, or show stopping, or operatic or professional. It probably wouldn't make most people sit up and take notice, except in the quietest of moments, alone in the dark of a shared space. But that doesn't stop it from being nice, doesn't stop it from making Hinata want to smile and listen, because that's _Kageyama,_ happily humming to himself in the bath in little low furrows and rising, staccato bumps.

The song trails off as quietly as it started, not a real ending but a pause, a breath the boy in the bath takes at one point, never really picking it back up again, aside from a stray mumbling tone here or there. That's it, that's the song. Not really a song, but… something. A little stray thought.

The sounds of water sloshing bring Hinata out of his contemplative daze. He finishes reaching, opening the door in front of him, before slipping out of the baths, padding back to his room, with Kageyama none the wiser that anyone had been listening.

He would be embarrassed, Hinata is sure, and he doesn't want that. He can't help but think that Kageyama's wordless song had been, at least a little bit, caused by him. Maybe it hadn't but—he understands Kageyama better than anyone else, doesn't he?

It feels okay that he'd overheard, but what if Kageyama had wanted to keep it to himself, the same way Hinata keeps his feelings about Kageyama bottled up inside himself?

He isn't ready, to talk about that yet. And maybe Kageyama wouldn't want to talk about his song, in the same sort of way.

Still, Hinata had heard it. That night, he plays it over in his head, as he falls asleep. A sweet song, nothing really all that special, and yet all the more so because of it. A casual afterthought from the last person you'd ever expect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating will be M by the end, but the majority of this fic is so pure I'm marking it T until that point, so people aren't very confused about what I think M implies. 
> 
> THANK YOU [ELLIE](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellessey/pseuds/Ellessey) for helping me get this out today in time!!! Also [reallycorking](http://reallycorking.tumblr.com/) for being really (incorrectly) excited about lounge singer Kageyama, and [someonestolemyshoes](http://archiveofourown.org/users/someonestolemyshoes/pseuds/someonestolemyshoes) for the idea behind this entire thing!!!
> 
> [I'm [@esselley](http://esselley.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr, [@Esselle_hq](https://twitter.com/Esselle_hq) on Twitter]


	2. Chapter 2

By the time they are second years, they've become something very much like what most people would call "friends", though the two of them continue to insist that it is only a postponement of their bitter rivalry. This postponement does come packaged up in all the trappings of friendship, though, like trading manga, and going to see movies on the weekends, and hanging out at each others' houses.  

One weekend, when they have made plans to practice volleyball for a bit before watching the newest episode of a show they like together, Hinata winds up biking over the mountain much earlier than initially planned, to pick up something from a store in the city for his mom (a rug).

It doesn't take nearly as long as he thought it would, and he drapes the box across his handlebars, and in no time at all he's at Kageyama's house an hour earlier than he said he would be. He slows to a stop in front, wondering if it might be rude, showing up out of the blue so early like this, but then the front door of the house opens for him and Kageyama's mother waves at him to come in.

"Come in, come in," she says, kind of quietly. "He's almost done."

"Thanks!" Hinata says, propping his bike up outside. He tries to talk quietly to match her. "Done with what?"

She smiles and motions for him to follow. They walk further into the house, and Hinata hears the music.

At first, he thinks it's a recording. It's just a piano playing chords, nothing fancy, and a voice singing over it. Hinata is pretty sure he maybe might have heard the song before on one of his mom's public television shows, or on some kind of singing contest program. But the person singing it had been very operatic, with a loud, forceful voice that reverberated out of the speakers.

This voice goes soft on the higher notes instead, gentle and quiet, as the piano fills in the spaces with just enough sound. It isn't a thunderous performance, by any means—but it's perfect for the listening audience of two, enough to draw them in without overpowering them, for them to sit in quiet enjoyment without feeling like they are intruding. At Kageyama's mother's insistence, Hinata pokes his head into the adjacent room where he knows they keep the piano.

What he sees makes him feel like the first time he ever watched the Little Giant play, on the TV screen of a small town store. It's like his breath has been stolen from his lungs, replaced by a happiness he didn't know he could have, right up until then.

Kageyama doesn't close his eyes or shake his head or any of the other emotional things Hinata has seen famous singers do when they perform. Instead, he looks down intently at the piano keys—perhaps he's not good enough to play by touch alone. His voice stays quiet all through the song, stumbling over some of the syllables (it's not in Japanese, and not English, either, Hinata thinks), sometimes fading out a little bit only to pick up again at the chorus.

There's a note he holds, about halfway through the verse, and he has to take a breath midway through—and Hinata breathes in with him, possibly the first real breath he's taken since he started watching. He's amazed.

Kageyama may not be the most polished, or the most talented, or the most accomplished singer in the world. But he is the best, Hinata decides, right then and there. He's definitely the best.

The singing and the piano playing both come to a finish simultaneously, one last chord and long sung note, and then the sound is receding, fading, gone. Hinata can't look away, or make his eyes go less wide.

He jumps at the sound of light clapping next to him, Kageyama's mother, which is adorable enough, but then Kageyama looks up with a sheepish almost smile, and Hinata's heart attempts to fling itself out of his chest, and then Kageyama sees him. He stands up so fast he almost falls backwards over the piano stool.

"Hi-Hinata!" he sputters, and Hinata remembers that, right, Kageyama doesn't know Hinata knows he can sing.

"Hi," Hinata says, waving hesitantly.

"What are you doing here?" Kageyama demands. "Mom!"

"It's fine, Tobio," she says. "Shouyou enjoyed it, didn't you?"

Kageyama groans and starts to angrily pack up his sheet music.

"Yeah," Hinata says, sounding embarrassingly breathless. "Yeah, I did. That was—" Kageyama shoots him a glare and he falls silent. "Okay, I'll just go, um… I'll go wait for you outside!"

He flees the room and is putting his shoes back on, when Kageyama's mother finds him.

"He's not really mad," she tells him reassuringly.

Hinata sighs. "I know he's not."

"You're the first person to hear him sing, besides us," she says. "His father and me, I mean."

Hinata pauses at the door. He knows it was an accident, basically, and it's not like he has any _right_ to it but… but that makes him really glad.

"Why doesn't he like people hearing?" Hinata asks her.

She shakes her head. "Tobio has… a very hard time telling people what he's thinking. But when he sings he just…"

"Sings what he thinks," Hinata says. He doesn't mean to cut her off, especially not about this, when he's only heard Kageyama sing a grand total of two times, and his mother has been listening to him for his whole life. But she nods.

"Exactly." She smiles. "He'll be fine, though. He's never had much trouble telling you what he's thinking."

Hinata feels his face heating up _dangerously_ fast, so he bows to her and yelps, "Thank you! I'll be going now!"

He races out the door and subsequently realizes he has nowhere _to_ go, because he's supposed to be waiting for Kageyama. He wonders if he should just go home for the day, because, mad or not, Kageyama is bound to be irritable now. But he's barely considered that when the door opens again, and Kageyama steps out, his volleyball under his arm.

"Well?" he snaps. "Let's go."

Hinata wilts along in his footsteps, but soon they get to the park near Kageyama's house, and most of the awkwardness is forgotten as they begin to toss the ball around.

 _Just leave it at that,_ Hinata thinks. Kageyama isn't saying anything about what happened, and he doesn't seem that upset anymore, either, so the smart thing to do would be to just leave it alone.

Hinata is really, really bad at leaving things alone.

"Hey, Kageyama?" he asks, as he tosses the ball up for Kageyama to set it.

"What?" Kageyama asks, getting in position.

"Do you like singing?"

Kageyama's toss goes pretty wide, and even though Hinata manages to catch up to it, his spike goes wider, flying off into a patch of bushes. He glares at Hinata.

 _"Boke,_ " he huffs under his breath a few minutes later, as they search through the leaves. "Why do you even want to know the answer to that?"

Hinata wipes his forehead with one muddy hand. "Because," he says, and spies the volleyball poking out from behind some shrubs. "You're really good."

He turns around, holding the ball in his arms triumphantly. But Kageyama doesn't take it from him. He's just staring at Hinata.

"What?" Hinata asks.

"I'm not," the other boy says.

"Not what?"

"Good."

It takes him a while to register what Kageyama means, but then Hinata shrugs. "You sound good to me."

Kageyama doesn't actually respond to him, he just continues staring, and Hinata wonders if he should start preparing to run. But then the other boy grunts and holds out his hand.

"Give me the ball," he says.

Relieved, Hinata drops the ball off in his grasp on his way out of the underbrush, but then Kageyama grabs his arm. He briefly regrets letting his guard down, but Kageyama only reaches up, using the sleeve of his jacket to wipe dirt off Hinata's forehead.

"Could get in your eyes," he explains. "Be more careful."

Hinata nods apologetically, and they go back to practice.

Later that evening, after dinner, when they are sprawled across Kageyama's couch and watching their show, Kageyama kicks him in the calf. He rolls his eyes as Hinata clutches his leg and rolls around for a bit, acting like it has been broken.

"You're stupid," Kageyama says.

"You're more stupid," Hinata fires back, grinning and kicking at his legs in return. A pitched battle follows, in which Kageyama manages to pin Hinata's legs with his own momentarily, before the climax of the episode bursts into noise on the TV and their attention is drawn to it.

It is the middle of the big fight when Kageyama says, "Hey."

"Hnn?" Hinata asks, staring open-mouthed at the TV.

"I do like it," Kageyama says.

"Like what?"

On screen, the hero chops off the villain's fingers with his family's ancestral sword.

"Singing," is the only response Kageyama gives.

Hinata looks away from the TV. Kageyama is still staring at it, the lights blurring across his face. On screen, the villain bemoans the fate of his hand. Hinata looks back so he doesn't miss anything.

"That's good," he says.

He relaxes back into the couch, legs still tangled up with Kageyama's. They end up marathoning through a bunch of earlier episodes of the show, stuck together like that.

"Just stay the night tonight," Kageyama mumbles, three hours into the marathon.

"Yeah," Hinata says.

As they get ready for bed, Hinata can hear Kageyama sleepily humming to himself in the bathroom while brushing his teeth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [[@esselley](http://esselley.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr, [@Esselle_hq](https://twitter.com/Esselle_hq) on Twitter]


	3. Chapter 3

It's Kageyama's eighteenth birthday, and Hinata is acting like a little shit.

He knows he is, he's fully aware of this, but he also is having a very difficult time stopping.

It's _because_ it's Kageyama's birthday that he's in such a bad mood—well, not because it's the actual day of his birth, he's not _that_ competitive, and Kageyama is still his best friend, but—then again, maybe these are all reasons why.

Because it's Kageyama's birthday, and everyone is paying attention to him, which means they keep asking, and asking, and _asking_ him, about his plans for college, for volleyball, for the _future._

And again, and again, _and again,_ Hinata is forced to hear him tell everyone about the school he plans to attend (which is far from Miyagi), and the team he'll be on (nationally ranked, of course), and how he intends to keep climbing (to the very top) and—

And they're _not_ going to the same college. They're not going to the same school after they graduate. And sue him, but Hinata just _doesn't_ want to be reminded about it a million times in one day, especially not _today,_ because Kageyama was supposed to hang out with him all day and so far that plan has been a bust, and is making him about four times as irritable as he would normally be.

It's nobody's fault, really, except maybe Hinata's, because he hadn't exactly made these plans explicitly clear, and it's not like anybody (least of all Kageyama) expects him to whisk the birthday boy off for the best day ever—which it would have been, Hinata has spent the past two months thinking of ways to make today perfect—but _still._ How was he supposed to anticipate that Yamaguchi and Yachi would have organized a surprise birthday party?

No one actually told Hinata about said surprise, because he can't keep secret surprise birthday parties a _secret_ to save his life, as they've all discovered on numerous occasions, so he ends up just as surprised as Kageyama when they both walk in the door of the Kageyama residence to a chorus of "SURPRISE"-s and party favors going off and colorful streamers being shot right at them.

And of course it had to be _Yamaguchi and Yachi_ that planned it, because Hinata doesn't have it in him to be upset with them. Not that he can be. Because here they are throwing an amazing birthday party for Kageyama, one he fully deserves, and the crumpled up scrap of paper in Hinata's pocket, the one with the schedule of all the things they were supposed to do today, gets even more crumpled and smudged as he clenches it in his sweaty fist and laughs along with everyone else as Kageyama stammers and bows and goes brilliantly red.

He was supposed to do that for Hinata, when Hinata treated him to a day packed full of his favorite things; for once, none of them volleyball related. Because Hinata needs to prove that they can still have fun, still be themselves, if (when) volleyball isn't a part of the equation.

That opportunity has been lost, and so, he's being a jerk. He starts off alright, but as the day wears on and there are less and less daylight hours to salvage the situation, as Kageyama chats with some of the graduated senpais about his college decisions, as he quietly radiates pride at the congratulations, Hinata begins to very obviously lose it.

He starts pulling away from standing near Kageyama, starts ignoring him, starts picking little, nothing fights with him over little, nothing things. He has something snide to say about every compliment Kageyama receives, every quiet acknowledgment he responds with, until at one point even Tsukishima gives him a sideways glance, which _really_ should be his cue to stop, but he doesn't.

It is, of course, over the dumbest thing that they finally explode.

When Asahi and Tanaka bring out the cake, a huge, volleyball shaped monstrosity, he is already basically seething, a kettle about to boil over.

"Hinata," he hears Kageyama call, and he turns, ready to snap, and finds a slice of cake held out to him. Kageyama has a fork grasped tightly in his other hand. "Here you go."

Hinata stares at him for a moment, before looking down at the cake. "Thanks," he says blandly, and then, "Woah, wait, what the heck is _that?"_

He points at the cake and Kageyama frowns, squinting down at it, and Hinata smacks his hand up, sending the entire slice of cake smooshing against Kageyama's shirt, a little bit of frosting landing on his chin.

The noise of the party sort of… stops. Hinata doesn't even _laugh,_ at getting Kageyama like that, because Kageyama is just _looking_ at him.

It makes him feel absolutely awful.

Kageyama wipes the frosting off his chin. "Are you done now?"

"No," Hinata says.

This is clearly where Kageyama hits his tipping point. He's obviously been getting close, and he's tried to give Hinata an out, by not getting pissed off here, and Hinata hasn't taken it.

"Okay," Kageyama grates out, through gritted teeth. "Then maybe you should leave, instead of continuing to be a dumbass on my birthday."

"I mean," Hinata says, clenching his fists, "I can leave now, or you can leave in four months, but whatever, right? It comes out to the same thing."

Kageyama lets out an angry, loud sigh. "Hinata, seriously, today?"

Hinata takes a big step forward and shoves his shoulder as hard as he can. "Yes, today! I was supposed to—you were supposed to do stuff with _me,_ today!"

Kageyama throws his hands in the air. "You said _nothing._ How was anybody supposed to know that?! How was I?"

"Because you _should have!"_ Hinata says. "But you don't care enough, you don't care at all, just like you don't care about leaving, you don't care about—"

"Don't fucking say it," Kageyama growls.

"You _don't_ care about _me!"_ Hinata shouts at him, and then rather than look at the expression on Kageyama's face, he turns, and runs, right out of the house and into the snow.

Kageyama finds him, of course. Because everything Hinata yelled at him was an absolute lie, and they both know it.

He chases him all the way to the park where they practice volleyball in summer, and Kageyama catches up to him, because he remembered to bring a jacket, and Hinata didn't, and his breath is wheezing in his chest when Kageyama tackles him to the ground.

"You're a _fucking idiot!"_ Kageyama yells, into his ear, and Hinata winces, but doesn't argue. "Why am I even _friends_ with you?!"

"I don't know," Hinata says, very truthfully.

"Fucking _rhetorical question,_ jackass," Kageyama says, still furious.

"What the hell is a 'red oracle' question?!" Hinata asks him.

"I don't know," Kageyama says, "but Tsukki says it all the time, so I assume it means you're being _stupid."_

He allows Hinata to sit up, then. Hinata wipes snot from his nose and glares at him.

"I am being stupid," he says, aggressively. "I don't care."

"Well, I do," Kageyama snaps. "I can't believe you just accused me of—of—"

"Not caring about me?" Hinata supplies quietly.

"Yes!" Kageyama rages.

Hinata stares at him, still sniffling, and some of Kageyama's anger evaporates.

"Is that really what you think?" he asks, quieter now.

Hinata doesn't respond at first. But when he does, he says, still very truthfully: "No."

Kageyama lets out a breath, deflating. Hinata wraps his shivering arms around his legs.

"I know…" he says hesitantly. "I know you care. About me." It sounds presumptuous to say, but he knows he's not wrong. After all, who's sitting in the snow with him, after he just flung cake in their face and then ran out of their birthday party?

Kageyama sighs, and shuffles closer, and puts an arm around Hinata, wrapping Hinata up inside the jacket with him.

"And you care about me," he tells Hinata, voice very soft, and Hinata finally, after months and months, stops acting like all he is, is mad.

Long arms wrap around him as he squashes his face into Kageyama's broad chest and _howls._

"I don't want—you—to go—" he sobs. "It's not fair—and I hate you—and I'm going to—to—"

"To what?" Kageyama asks, dropping his face to the top of Hinata's head.

"I'm going to _miss_ you, you huge, stupid _shit,"_ Hinata gasps into his shirt.

Kageyama snorts. "For some reason, I'm going to miss you, too."

Hinata pulls back to glare at him through watery eyes. "You're my—my best friend."

"Yes," Kageyama says, because he knows this.

"And… and I really want you… to be happy," Hinata says decisively. There are actually a lot of things he wants, of Kageyama. But this one is maybe the most important. "So when you get over there, even though I know this will be hard for you, don't piss people off so much they can't stand you."

"Shut the fuck up," Kageyama says, laughing. He actually does that now, laughs with his eyes crinkled up and mouth open. Hinata stares at him as the snow flurries down around them, visible in the streetlight they're sitting under, and then he forcefully smashes his face back into Kageyama's chest. Kageyama grunts.

"Sing something," Hinata says.

"What?" Kageyama asks, bewildered. "Why?"

It's been a long time since Hinata heard him sing, and he's both hated that and been glad for it. It'll just be one more thing he misses almost too much to bear while Kageyama is away.  

"Because you made me cry," Hinata tells him.

"You made yourself cry," Kageyama points out.

_"Siiing."_

Kageyama sighs, but he pulls Hinata closer, wrapping his other arm around him so Hinata is cocooned in warmth, legs drawn up and squeezed in close to Kageyama's body.

When Kageyama sings, it's low and deep in his chest, and Hinata can feel it reverberating through his whole body, soothing and warm.

It's an English song, and he knows Kageyama's pronunciation is horrible, but it's a happy tune. And a famous one, he recognizes it. Kageyama sings it a little slower than the original, a little gentler. A little sadder. But the meaning is the same.  

_Don't worry, about a thing. 'Cause every little thing is gonna be alright._

Sometimes he forgets the words, and then they both just hum together, until he remembers them—not that Hinata would know, since he doesn't really understand much besides that one line.

But it's enough. It's exactly (almost) what he wanted, Kageyama with him, and his head tucked under Kageyama's chin, and arms holding him close. And Kageyama singing. To him. It wasn't on his list for today, because it didn't really seem like it'd be possible, but somehow (because he fucked up), it did.

Speaking of the list…

"So," Kageyama says, as they slowly walk back to his house together, Hinata walking along in front of him with his back pressed to Kageyama's chest, arms still around him to keep him from freezing.

"So?"

"What were your amazing plans for today?" Kageyama asks him. "I want to hear them, since they were apparently good enough that they caused you to throw a tantrum in front of, like, fifteen people."

Hinata groans and Kageyama laughs at him again. He reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out his very crumpled list, shoving it into Kageyama's hand.

"One," Kageyama says.

"You don't have to read it out loud," Hinata says, face becoming suddenly hot.

"Lunch at Mishimiya's Pastry Shop," Kageyama continues, ignoring him. "Oh, that would have been good."

"They have the little," Hinata makes a few vague gestures, "those green tea cakes you like."

"Right, I do like those," Kageyama acknowledges. "Okay, two. Mario Kart." He looks closer at the paper. _"Let Kageyama win?"_

"I didn't want you to get all cranky if I kept beating you," Hinata says.

"When do you ever beat me?" Kageyama asks incredulously.

"All the _time!"_ Hinata says, elbowing him in the stomach.

They make their way through the entire list on the way back home, and when they get there, mostly everyone has left. Yachi and Yamaguchi are still there, helping clean up.

"You guys go home," Hinata tells them, taking an industrial sized trash bag out of Yachi's hands. "We've got it from here."

She looks at him with wide eyes. "Shouyou, I had no idea—"

"Please don't apologize," he tells her, swatting his hand in Kageyama's direction at the echo of "Please," from across the room. "I was being an ass. I should have said thank you, instead. This was great, and he really enjoyed it."

She smiles at him. "Are you gonna be okay?"

He nods. "I already am. Promise."

Yachi and Yamaguchi take off, and he and Kageyama finish clearing up. There's no question about Hinata staying the night, they just naturally gravitate upstairs together, Hinata keeps an extra set of clothes there as it is.

"Futon?" he asks Kageyama, and the other boy shakes his head.

They crawl into the bed together. Kageyama is already yawning heavily. Hinata smiles at him in the dark.

"Kageyama?"

"Yeah?"

Hinata sings to him, for once—Happy Birthday. Kageyama smiles with his eyes closed.

"Tomorrow," he says.

"Yeah?" Hinata asks, his own eyes closing.

"We can do all the stuff. On your list."

Hinata blinks, rapidly, and then nods, ducking his head down. "Okay."

Kageyama opens his eyes and raises one arm. "Hey. Come on."

It's all the encouragement Hinata needs to burrow as close to him as possible, and Kageyama drapes an arm over his waist, pulling him in.

A little voice in him wonders, _T_ _ell him?_

But he doesn't think he can do that yet. Not when there will be so many questions, and things still to say, and both of them separated for the better part of the next four years.

After college, Hinata thinks, as resolutely as he can. Then they'll finally say the things both of them have been waiting to say.

For now, though, he knows that, just like in the song, everything is going to be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really like KageHina + snow (*´▽`*)
> 
> (This chapter is also, I promise you, the saddest this fic will get!)
> 
> [[@esselley](http://esselley.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr, [@Esselle_hq](https://twitter.com/Esselle_hq) on Twitter]


	4. Chapter 4

They're apart for four years.

More or less, anyway. It's not like Kageyama is in some foreign country, or on the moon, or something, he's just in Tokyo, but still. That's hours away. That's farther away from Hinata than he's ever been, in all the time they've known each other.

They see each other on holidays and random, odd weekends when homework or practice doesn't get in the way. Hinata never thought something like _volleyball_ could get in the way of anything, but there comes a point in their first year when he's supposed to meet up with Kageyama on a Sunday, and he hasn't seen him in _months,_ somehow days just keep passing—so they're all set, and Friday afternoon, two nights before he's set to go out to Tokyo, Kageyama calls him to say he's got mandatory practice on Sunday, all day.

Hinata tells him it's fine. He says it as cheerfully as possible, tells Kageyama he owes him meat buns next time.

He hears Kageyama quietly say, "It's not fine." But he pretends he didn't. If Hinata asks him what he means, he's afraid they'll both crack.

He goes for a run and even that's not enough to work off the crawling disappointment in his stomach. He lies awake that night, and thinks about how Kageyama might like to spend time with him, rather than go to volleyball practice. And this helps.

First year is hard, second year is maybe a little easier. They do this thing, where they video chat on Line, and watch volleyball games together. Sometimes movies. Sometimes they're just quiet, doing their homework (never for long, that one). It's not much, in between the weeks spent apart. But it's something, and hearing just the ambient noise of Kageyama in the room with him (sort of) makes him feel a little bit closer.

Third year, the halfway point, suddenly becomes difficult again. Two years was so _hard,_ has seemed like so long, and now they have all that time to endure, all over again. Hinata doesn't cry, though, before Kageyama leaves Miyagi to go back. He doesn't cry, because he doesn't know how he'd be able to explain that (he wouldn't have to). He doesn't cry, because he knows Kageyama still hasn't forgotten Hinata screaming at him for not caring, even if they both know Hinata didn't mean it.

He doesn't cry, but what he does do is hold on.

Kageyama has to be up early the next morning to be at the train station, but he doesn't say a word of protest when Hinata is in his bed the night before, talking about his school schedule, asking Kageyama if he's _sure_ he remembered to enroll in the discussion section for his beginner's _(very_ beginner's) economics class, asking where he'll be living for the twenty-seven hundredth time.

"I have my own room this year," Kageyama says. "So I won't have to stay out on the couch every time you want to talk about something dumb at two in the morning."

"I never want to talk about dumb things," Hinata tells him.

"Do you remember the time you called me to ask whether vanilla ice cream is better than French vanilla ice cream because it doesn't have beans in it?" Kageyama asks. "Which, by the way, I googled—they aren't, like, _bean_ beans."

"They're not?" Hinata asks, momentarily stunned out of his melancholy.

"No, vanilla has its own special type of bean."

"What!"

"I don't know, it's weird." Kageyama wrinkles his nose. "It doesn't even look like a bean."

"Why else would they call it a bean?" Hinata asks. "You're making this up because you don't want to admit it was a good question."

"It was a dumb question," Kageyama says. He sounds a bit sleepy. Hinata doesn't want him to go to sleep yet.

 _"You're_ dumb," he says, shoving at Kageyama's ribs.

Kageyama isn't having it. He rolls over onto his side, and pulls Hinata into him, trapping his arms between them so no more shoving can occur. _"You're_ a bean," he says, and, seeming to find this insult both satisfying and appropriate, he chuckles. "A little jumping bean."

"Shut up!" Hinata says, squirming. "You're a huge string bean, and you probably make people fart a lot!"

"You're thinking of the wrong type of bean again," Kageyama says, with his crooked asshole grin, their faces so close together that the expression should be scary in the dark, but isn't, because Hinata is used to it now.

"Ugh," Hinata says, giving up on struggling. He is stuck and warm, curled into Kageyama's chest like this. "I hate you."

"Tiny lying bean," Kageyama says, a bit too gleefully, and kisses him on the forehead.

It's so natural, and feels so normal, that Hinata almost doesn't react to it at first. But then he jerks back, to stare at Kageyama, eyes widening.

For his part, Kageyama doesn't seem very surprised or embarrassed about what he's done, which is unusual, because it's Kageyama, and almost everything surprises or embarrasses him in alternation. Let alone _kissing Hinata._

But instead, his eyes are dark and steady. If anything, he holds Hinata just a little bit tighter.

"Just call me whenever, dumbass," he tells Hinata quietly. "You know I'm gonna pick up."

Kageyama literally never picked up his phone in high school unless it was Coach Ukai (or Oikawa, but he will never admit to this). Now he picks up whenever, for Hinata.

Hinata nods and resolves to sleep, if only so Kageyama can get some rest. _I don't want you to go back,_ he doesn't say, because he knows Kageyama will carry that with him, knows how it will eat at him.

"Halfway there," he says instead, even though the words taste bitter in his mouth. Hopefully, Kageyama doesn't notice.

And then—a year goes by. They're seniors. Hinata is, maybe, losing it a little.

Why not just _say_ something, they're almost there now, he can get it all out in the open—but no, he doesn't want these words to be said over the phone, he wants them said in person, and he doesn't want to have to say it knowing Kageyama has to leave again in a few days time. He wants to plant his feet when he tells Kageyama, and they'll go from there. Together, not apart.

Funny thing: Hinata has always assumed he'll be the one to say it.

The last time they see each other before they finish school is a month before graduation. Hinata goes out to Tokyo, and they play so much volleyball (all the volleyball). And then he has to take the train back, but it's the least painful it's ever been, waving goodbye. He's just getting on the train when Kageyama yells,

"Shit! I forgot!"

"What?" Hinata asks, bewildered, trying to look past the people getting on the train after him.

"You're not doing anything when I get back, right?" Kageyama asks him. "You're free?"

Hinata looks at him like he's crazy. Obviously, he is free. What else would he be doing (besides hanging out with Kageyama)?

Kageyama seems to read the expression on his face. "Okay, well, keep not doing anything, then!"

"Why?" Hinata asks. He starts laughing, even though he doesn't know why. Kageyama is an absurd person, that's probably why.

"Just do it!" Kageyama demands, before he shakes his head and tries to hide his grin. "Moron!"

Later that night, Hinata texts him. _What if I died on the trip back_ _and the last thing you did was call me a moron?_

 _It'd still be true,_ Kageyama responds.

Hinata texts him a picture of himself, flipping off the camera.

His semester finishes before Kageyama's and then it's a week of waiting, which is actually the worst.

The day before Kageyama gets home, he gets a text.

_Still free?_

_Nope,_ Hinata says. _Big plans tomorrow._

His phone rings, and he picks up, grinning. "I'm joking, Bakageyama."

"I know you're joking, stupid," Kageyama replies, easily. "I'm not that dumb."

"Are you sure?"

There was very much a time when Kageyama would have thought he was being serious. He does understand basic sarcasm now, however. He has grown in so many ways.

"I'll just stay in Tokyo," Kageyama says, crossly. "I don't have to come home tomorrow. Or ever." Hinata knows it's not at all a serious threat, but the fact that Kageyama knows this would be worse than telling Hinata he's going to beat him up when he sees him tomorrow is probably a sign of some sort.

Hinata whines and apologizes and Kageyama relents.

"Anyway, when you come meet me at the train station tomorrow," he says, and though they never discussed Hinata doing this, that's always been the plan, "bring like, some clothes and shit."

"Some clothes and shit," Hinata repeats blankly. "Why the hell would I come to the train station naked?"

 _"No,_ Hinata," Kageyama says, exasperated. "Besides the ones you're wearing, obviously."

It's really not fair for Kageyama to sound exasperated. "How is that obvious? Why am I randomly bringing extra clothes?"

"Just bring some!" Kageyama says. "And like, a toothbrush and other stuff you need."

Hinata takes the phone from his ear. He squints at it and then holds it up again. "Kageyama. Are you telling me to pack?"

"No," Kageyama says. "I'm just telling you to bring a change of clothes, a toothbrush, and other basic essentials, but I don't want you to _pack_ them. Just holding them would be fine—"

Along with an understanding of sarcasm has come the ability to wield it.

"Okay, okay!" Hinata yelps.

"Good," Kageyama says decisively.

Hinata puts a hand on his hip, even though Kageyama can't see him. "Are we just going straight to your place, then?"

"See you tomorrow, bye," Kageyama says, and hangs up on him.

Hinata stares at his phone in disbelief. He considers calling back, but then decides against it.

He'll see Kageyama _tomorrow._

In the end, he just stuffs everything into his backpack and hopes it's enough. It's not like he's never worn the same shirt for a solid week, anyway, and if they're going to be at Kageyama's house, he can just do laundry there. This is what he assumes.

At the small town station, he waits, bouncing on the balls of his feet. He's too excited to stand still. When Kageyama's train finally arrives, Hinata tries to spot him, standing on his toes.

Kageyama spots him first, maybe because of the hair, or maybe because Kageyama has always been good at finding him.

Hinata hears him before he sees him, the yell of "Hinata!" loud even amidst the bustle of the train station. He turns, and sees Kageyama, waving madly at him from the train. He's still inside, which is weird, and Hinata starts to jog over to him. Maybe he needs help with his luggage?

"Hurry up!" Kageyama shouts, and Hinata breaks into a run. He skids to a halt in front of the train door Kageyama is leaning out of, opens his mouth to ask why he hasn't gotten off it yet, and Kageyama grabs his arm and pulls him inside, right as the doors shut.

Hinata gapes at him. "What— _what?_ What are you _doing?_ Where's your _luggage?"_

"At home," Kageyama tells him. "I shipped most of it back already."

"Why are we still on the train?!" Hinata demands. He doesn't want to be on the train and surrounded by people. He wants to be off of it, and alone, with Kageyama.

"You'll see," Kageyama says enigmatically. Hinata stares at him like he's grown a second head. "Will you just trust me?" he snaps.

Hinata opens his mouth to argue more, but stops. He crosses his arms. He maybe pouts a little.

He says, "I always trust you."

Kageyama glances at him out of the corner of his eye. "Good. Let's find a place to sit."

Kageyama doesn't cave and tell him for the entire train ride, and eventually, Hinata falls dead asleep on his shoulder. It's late afternoon by the time they finally arrive and Kageyama wakes him up. Hinata sits up, wiping drool from the corner of his mouth and hoping Kageyama doesn't notice the wet patch on his shoulder. Kageyama notices almost instantly and squeezes his head before ruffling his hair.

They get off the train and Hinata takes in their surroundings, a relatively quiet wooded area. Beyond that, he hasn't been paying attention to the stops and he's clueless.

"You always said you wanted to go to one of these," Kageyama says, voice a bit gruff, and it clicks.

"Is it a hot springs?" Hinata squeaks, practically vibrating with anticipation. "Are we staying here?!"

"Don't get that excited. It's just for tonight." Kageyama rubs the back of his head self-consciously. "I couldn't afford two nights."

"FUWAAAH, KAGEYAMA!" Hinata shrieks, and Kageyama sighs indulgently.

"Quit being so _loud,_ " he says, as Hinata tears off down the path toward the front entrance.

It's everything Hinata has always dreamed a hot springs would be. There is _staff,_ and _outdoor baths,_ and _yukatas._ These are kept in the guests' rooms, one of which Hinata and Kageyama have, all to themselves.

All to themselves.

So, the current situation is that Kageyama has brought Hinata to a hot springs and also, they have a private room.

This is generally the only thought in Hinata's brain throughout wandering the ryokan and dinner and the baths (minor secondary thought: _outdoor! Bath!!!!)._

They don't go back to the room right away anyway, and Hinata's not sure what they would do if they did (he's really not sure), and so instead they go out walking again. The evening is a little cool, but still comfortable, and the pathways and ponds are lit up by lanterns, sitting on the ground and floating in the water.

It's really pretty, Hinata thinks.

There's a little footbridge over one of the ponds, and Hinata hops along it until he reaches the middle, looking down into the water below. He leans over the railing, hands dangling down—he can see his reflection from the bridge, and Kageyama, as he comes to stand next to him, resting his arms on the wooden railing. His yukata is dark blue.

It's all just really pretty.

"Kageyama," he says, lazily. He feels something like "at peace". Like the kind of feeling he gets on the first day of summer vacation, or when it snows for the first time every year, times he looks forward to, waits for, wants to enjoy every minute of.  

"Hmm?" Kageyama asks. He sounds soft and lazy, too.

"You've been planning this for a while?" Hinata is so curious.

Kageyama puffs air through his lips and turns, resting his elbows on the railing. "Yeah, I guess so. I wanted to make sure they had space."

This is oddly full of foresight for Kageyama. Which means he has been thinking it through for a long time.

"But how come?" Hinata asks him. "What for?"

"For you," Kageyama says. The admission comes surprisingly easily. "It's not like I planned this all for myself."

Hinata smiles and pulls himself up to look at the other boy. Man? It's really, super weird to think of Kageyama as a "man", but he's twenty-two, now. So is Hinata. Maybe this stray thought is what pushes him to say what he does next.

"I'm really happy," Hinata tells him. "I'm really happy you did this for me, but I'm even happier being out here together. I would have been happy if we stayed back in Miyagi. I would be happy anywhere, if you're with me."

Kageyama is staring at him now, with this unreadable expression on his face. Hinata starts to get nervous, starts to babble.

"I, um. The last four years have been pretty hard, you know? Or maybe, they've been hard for me, but not as much for you. But—I guess I just got used to the way things were in high school… I got used to being around you, all the time. I guess that's kind of normal for friends, for best—friends—" He shoots Kageyama a tentative grin, here, but Kageyama's expression hasn't changed, and Hinata goes into overdrive. "So, there's been things that I wanted to say, I guess, for a couple years, now, but I wasn't really sure _how_ to say them, even though I think maybe you know what I want to say so it probably won't be that much of a surprise, or anything! I think!" He hopes. "I just wanted to say them to your face—oh, that sounds like it's something bad—I wanted to say them in _person,_ because I think it's really pretty important, actually, but maybe you'll think it's dumb, but I'm just gonna do it! Kageyama, I—"

Kageyama steps into him, pulls Hinata against him, puts a hand against the back of his head, and kisses him.

It is, Hinata registers, with absolutely zero bias, probably the most perfect kiss ever to happen in the history of the human race.

Perhaps some people would argue. But they just don't have the understanding Hinata does.

Kageyama's fingers press into his scalp with a bit of restrained strength—setter's fingers, firm and warm where they brush the nape of his neck.

His mouth slides warm against Hinata's own, lips just a little chapped, because he doesn't like the way chapstick smells (even the odorless, tasteless ones?) and refuses to wear it. Hinata feels the slight roughness against his own lips.

There's no hesitation on his part. It should be startling how naturally he slides his other arm around Hinata's waist to steady him, but Kageyama has never hesitated when he's made up his mind, he has always been one of the most confident people Hinata has ever known.

Hinata curls his fists in the front of his yukata. He feels like shouting, like throwing his head back and calling his happiness out into the night sky. But instead, he manages only a soft gasp for breath when Kageyama pulls away from him, to kiss his cheek, his temple.

"Don't get the wrong idea," Kageyama says, brushing his lips over Hinata's forehead. "I had to do something to make you stop talking, that was painful to listen to."

Hinata pinches his stomach. "I think I've had the wrong idea since you brought me to a romantic overnight date at a _hot springs—"_

"It is not a—" Kageyama starts to say, incensed, but then stops. Hinata leans up to laugh in his face.

"You brought me all the way out here to make out with me, is that the right idea, Kageyama?"

"I'm regretting _all_ my ideas, now," Kageyama grumbles.

Hinata considers this. "Bet you won't after we get back to the room."

Kageyama blinks at him and then turns scarlet. "Hi-Hinata!"

"Hmm?"

"That's not why I brought you out here!"

Hinata winks. "Okayyy…"

They really don't do much more than kiss, in the room. And that's enough, it's more than enough. It's almost too much, to be lying next to Kageyama, feel his hands on his face and in his hair. It's amazing, it's the best thing ever.

After awhile, when it's way too late, and they're both exhausted, Hinata just lies there in Kageyama's arms, which is not altogether new, they've been sharing bedding since they were sixteen. But what _is_ new are the soft kisses Kageyama presses into his hair and against his ear, absentmindedly, as easy as breathing.

Hinata is so near to dozing off that he almost doesn't realize that Kageyama is singing.

He perks up a little at this, picking his head up to look at the other man. Kageyama has his eyes closed, and the song probably has words to it, but he's too out of it to really form them. They come out in bits and pieces, little sighs that ruffle Hinata's bangs, but mostly it's a steady slow breathed hum.

"What song is that?" Hinata asks, brushing his lips over the underside of Kageyama's jaw.

Kageyama opens his eyes slowly. "Huh?"

"What are you singing?" Hinata tries.

"I'm not," Kageyama says.

Hinata almost laughs at him, but then he sees the hazy expression, the genuine confusion. He smiles. Kageyama hadn't realized he was singing. They've come a long way from the days Kageyama refused to sing in front of him, self-conscious and embarrassed.

"I was dreaming, I guess," Hinata says, pressing his nose into Kageyama's neck. Kageyama trails his fingers under Hinata's chin, tilts his face up. Kisses him again, soft and careful. Like he's been waiting for years.

Hinata falls asleep to music, Kageyama's voice in his ear. Whatever his dreams are after that, they're good ones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [[@esselley](http://esselley.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr, [@Esselle_hq](https://twitter.com/Esselle_hq) on Twitter]


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone, for reading, and for all the fun this past week ❤

"Just let me see it!"

"No."

"Why not? It's rude not to, after I showed you mine!"

"That's different, dumbass. You wanted me to look, you basically shoved it in my face—"

"Only because you weren't paying attention! Come on, let me look at yours—it's so _long…"_

"Jealous?"

"N-no! I just wanna see, why do you have to make this _weird—"_

"Don't _tug on it—!"_

Hinata wrenches Kageyama's phone away from him with a triumphant shout, rolling over onto his side to keep it safe against his chest.

"Why are you being _so annoying_ about this?" Kageyama rages, trying to turn him back, but Hinata curls into a ball and weathers the storm, until Kageyama gives up. He settles for curling into a larger ball around Hinata's frame, the tops of his knees against the backs of Hinata's, one arm snaking around Hinata's waist.

Only when he's sure Kageyama has given up on trying to thwart him does Hinata relax, leaning back against his boyfriend and getting comfy on the bed. Kageyama is staying over at his tiny apartment that night. Hinata loves when they just sort of _are,_ like this. It's been almost two months and he's still not used to it. Maybe because the amount of time he's wanted it so heavily outweighs the actually having it.

He goes to the music app on Kageyama's phone and opens it, starting to scroll through all of Kageyama's songs. There's seriously so many, the list really is long. It's a surprisingly eclectic mix, some J-pop and K-pop stuff (mostly ballads), anime soundtracks, workout music (Hinata snorts), a lot of older English standards, some R&B even.

But then he flicks over to the playlists and Kageyama makes a subtle little grab for the phone again.

"What?"

"You've been looking for ages," Kageyama complains. "Aren't you satisfied?"

"You'll know when I'm satisfied," Hinata says with a smirk, and Kageyama huffs.

"Quit trying to make everything sexy," he grumbles.

"I'm _not!"_ Hinata yelps. He wasn't. Not really. Only a little bit. "It's your fault you think everything I do is sexy, Kageyama."

"Nothing you do is sexy," Kageyama tells him. "You're like a fluffy tangerine with legs."

"You are so cranky today," Hinata says, continuing to scroll through Kageyama's playlists.

"If 'not sexy' was in the dictionary, the definition would be a picture of you."

Hinata looks back over his shoulder. "Is that why we haven't had sex yet?" he asks.

Kageyama looks as though someone has just force fed him deodorant. _"What?"_

Hinata crinkles his nose. "I'm just wondering."

"We've done stuff," Kageyama says.

"Stuff," Hinata repeats.

"We have!" Kageyama insists.

Yes, they have. They have definitely done stuff, these past two months, and this is how Hinata is actually relatively confident in his assumption that Kageyama thinks he's sexy.

However, they haven't fucked yet, and so if Kageyama wants to be mean and call him a tangerine, Hinata has leverage to be mean right back.

"I'm not saying we haven't done stuff," he says. "But maybe you don't find me sexy enough to go all the _way—"_

"Hinata, stop," Kageyama says, now sounding a bit actually, not funny, desperate.

Hinata says, instantly, "Okay."

Kageyama goes very quiet for awhile after that, and Hinata contents himself with playing with his phone. If Kageyama has more to say, he'll say it when he's ready. And sure enough:

"I think you're really sexy," he mumbles into Hinata's neck, tightening the arm around his waist. "You know I do, right?"

"Yes, Kageyama-kun," Hinata says adoringly. This man, honestly.

"That's not the reason we haven't—it's definitely not the reason."

"Oh?" Hinata very, very softly teases. "Is it maybe because I'm _too_ sexy? You're worried you might get overwhelmed—"

"Yes."

Hinata snaps his mouth closed. Slowly, he turns, so that he and Kageyama are lying face to face. Kageyama is staring at him with his lips pressed together, eyes locked to Hinata's now that they're looking at each other. His cheeks are red.

"Tobio," Hinata says, gently.

"I've been in—" Kageyama stops and considers his words. He takes a very long time to think, when he has something important to say. He knows better than anyone what speaking without thinking means for him. "I've liked you for almost seven years. The _last_ thing I want to do is rush."

Hinata's heart tightens, squeezed hard by that difficult, pleasant sensation that comes with loving someone almost too much to bear. He reaches up, slides his fingers over Kageyama's cheek. "Then we won't."

Kageyama nods, lacing his own fingers through Hinata's and bringing his hand to his mouth. He kisses Hinata's fingers, the ridges of his knuckles, his wrist. Hinata can only take so much of that before he pulls his hand out of Kageyama's to hold his face carefully, replaces his fingers against that mouth with his lips, breathes against Kageyama slow and steady.

"When you're ready," Hinata tells him, "so am I."

Kageyama swallows and nods, pressing his forehead to Hinata's. Hinata smiles at him, so happy to wait for Kageyama. This is nothing compared to what came before.

Wanting to give Kageyama time to readjust, Hinata goes back to fiddling with his phone. But then he reaches a playlist that makes him stop and squint.

"Kageyama, what's this one?" he asks.

Kageyama freezes a bit. "Which one?"

"This one here—'Hinata's playlist'?" He selects it to peruse through the list of songs. "Did you make it for me?"

"Um…" Kageyama says, his voice a bit choked. Before he can say anything further, Hinata hits shuffle play.

Instantly, a single guitar wails out of the little phone speakers, a whiny _wah-wah-wah-waaah_ that is soon joined by a soulful drum and bassline, the singer's raspy vocals rough yet buttery at the same time. Hinata blinks.

"Kageyama, is this sex music?" he asks.  

"No!" Kageyama says.

"Do you have a playlist named after me full of sex music?" Hinata asks, like he didn't hear Kageyama deny it, because there can be no denying what this is.

"Why would I—" Kageyama starts to say, which is right when the singer wails, _let's get it on…_

Hinata claps a hand over his mouth as he laughs so hard he shakes. Kageyama snatches the phone from him, finally. He is glaring so hard Hinata can practically _feel_ it.

"Are you happy now?" he asks, tossing the phone on the nightstand by the bed. He doesn't turn off the song, though, so Hinata thinks he's probably fine.

"Yes," Hinata giggles. "I'm so happy. Hey, so, when did you used to listen to that playlist, huh?"

Kageyama finally snaps, pressing his hand over Hinata's face and squeezing until Hinata yowls. Kageyama squashes his head back against the pillows and crawls on top of him.

"Do you want me to show you," he says, "what I thought about doing, while I listened to it?"

Hinata catches his breath, looking up at Kageyama looming over him, eyes intense, deep and dark. He stills as Kageyama ducks his head down, and then shivers when he feels lips brush over his ear, the soft graze of teeth, warm breath.

And then Kageyama bellows down his ear canal to the music, "WHEN I GET THAT FEELING, I NEED— _SEXUAL HEALING—"_

Hinata shrieks and shoves him off, and Kageyama laughs like an evil mastermind as Hinata swats at his stupid, overly large body. The rest of the night proceeds accordingly, which is to say, less sexily than Hinata had hoped for but—he's willing to wait.

Despite the discovery of The Playlist, they continue to move slow. Maybe it should be embarrassing, because they are both two young men in the veritable primes of their lives, but it's not. It's a bit agonizing at times, for Hinata, at least, but there couldn't be anything less embarrassing, not when Kageyama holds him the way he does, and kisses him the way he does, and touches him the way he does. All of it a shy, careful promise. And in the meantime, they learn so much of each other.

They learn that they will be each others' firsts, after all this time. They whisper this confession when they are lying limbs tangled together, faces flushed, lips red and tender from all the excess of kissing. Somehow, Hinata had never worried about this. Not that he thought Kageyama would be so hopeless in that area (his strengths outweigh his weaknesses, as far as Hinata is concerned, and anyone who can't see that wouldn't deserve him anyway). But because whether or not Kageyama _had_ made no difference. There were still great whole swaths of him that only Hinata would ever understand, ever have access to. What he did with his body, and with whom, changed nothing about that.

He thinks all this, knows all this, but when he pulls Kageyama close and kisses him again, what comes out is, "I have you all to myself."

"Unlimited tosses," Kageyama murmurs against his lips, and Hinata smiles at all the things Kageyama understands about him that no one else will.

"Exactly," he agrees, "and a few other things."

The next time, Kageyama asks if they can try a little bit more than they have been. And Hinata grins and tells him, "Whatever you want."

He's fighting to keep that grin in place a half hour later, because while they both know _exactly_ what to do (they've both thought about this for a long time), practice is _very different_ than theory in a case like this. It's kind of like, Hinata thinks, serving in volleyball. Even after all the fundamentals had been drilled into his head over and over, it wasn't as easy to just get out there and do it.

"This isn't working," Kageyama says, sounding really worried, even though he is not the one with a finger up his butt. For this, Hinata glares up at him, even though poor Kageyama hasn't actually done anything wrong.

"Do not quit on me now," he demands, even though his voice comes out strained and out of breath. "I'm fine!"

"You look really not fine," Kageyama says.

"Well, you look constipated, but I'm still giving you the benefit of the doubt," Hinata snaps, and Kageyama's mouth turns down, and Hinata groans. "Sorry."

"I don't want to hurt you," Kageyama says. "And I don't want this to suck."

Hinata sighs. "Can you come down here?" Kageyama starts to comply, and he amends, "No, don't take it out, you're tall enough—"

Eventually, they get this figured out, Kageyama lying on his side next to Hinata, one hand down between his legs. Hinata has to spread pretty awkwardly to make it work, but he's fine with it. He turns his head so that they're looking at each other, faces close together.

"It's probably going to suck," he says, and Kageyama's frown gets deeper. "It's not going to _be_ perfect the very first time, Kageyama, that'd be a miracle."

"I'm not asking for a miracle," Kageyama says. "I just don't want you to hate it."

 _"Baka,_ " Hinata huffs. "I'm not going to hate it. I've never hated anything you did, not really."

"Not _really,_ " Kageyama repeats, with a little bit of laughter in his voice.

"You know what I mean!" Hinata says.

He's never hated Kageyama for anything, not even when Kageyama beat him back in middle school, when he told Hinata he sucked, berated him for all the things he needed to do better. Hinata doesn't hate people, but he can hate attitudes. Somehow he's never hated Kageyama's, though. Been incensed by it, maybe. But he'd never hate something that lit a fire in him the way Kageyama's blustering had.

Kageyama leans down to kiss him, and he also starts moving his hand again, and Hinata blinks hard a couple of times.

"There was that time you put wasabi instead of toothpaste on my toothbrush at training camp," Hinata breathes out. "I probably hated that. Quit laughing."

Kageyama is shivering with suppressed giggles next to him. "Your _face,_ though."

"I've never felt so betrayed," Hinata tells him. He pulls him down, pressing Kageyama's face into his neck, sliding his hand into his hair. He holds on tight, and it's like he has a little bit of an anchor, he can relax (he thought he was, but he'd been tense all over). Kageyama nuzzles into his neck, leaves a trail of soft kisses on his skin.

"I'm sorry about the wasabi."

"You should be."

Hinata squeezes his eyes shut as Kageyama slips another finger inside him, tightens the hand in his soft hair. He breathes, and it's really not so bad—if he was used to it, it might actually be kinda nice, maybe. Neither of them is talking anymore, and so Kageyama starts to sing something under his breath. Hinata turns his face so he can put his cheek against Kageyama's dark hair. He can just barely make out the words to the song, something in Japanese.

He inhales. Exhales.

"Kageyama…"

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm… is—is that the Naruto theme?"

Kageyama looks up at him. "It's to give you courage."

"Kageyama, oh my _god."_ Hinata snorts. Then he gasps. "Oh my god, _Kageyama—"_

"Shit," Kageyama says, and Hinata's hand flies down to close around his wrist like a vice before he can pull away.

"Nonono, do that again, do whatever you _just did—"_

"I don't know what I just did!"  

"Figure it out!"

Kageyama's fingers brush the spot inside him again and it's both an exclamation point and a question mark, because _what?!_ How does this go from just sort of uncomfortable and stretchy to mind-blowingly awesome in under a _second?_

"Yep!" Hinata yelps, squeaks, basically. "Okay, there! Right there—" He claps a hand over his mouth and then drops his head back, holy crap holy crap holy _crap—_

"Good?!" Kageyama asks, sounding midway between elated and panicked, and Hinata throws an arm around his neck and _hangs on_ because it's all he can do.

"Do _not_ stop," he begs, and Kageyama lets out all his breath in an overwhelmed huff against his ear.

"I won't," he promises, and he doesn't, not until Hinata is crying out, vision blanking with the force of his climax as he arches up against Kageyama, shaking and probably choking the life out of him, but Kageyama doesn't complain. He presses his forehead to Hinata's shoulder before kissing it, as Hinata slumps back to the bed, panting for breath.

He turns to look at Kageyama, and they stare at each other for a bit. Kageyama wets his lips with his tongue nervously.

"Was that…"

"That was nearly perfect," Hinata says, grabbing the back of his head to drag him in for a kiss.

"Nearly?" Kageyama asks, and Hinata nips at his bottom lip.

"You didn't sing Naruto when I came," he explains.

Kageyama drops his face into the pillow, the tips of his ears burning red, as Hinata cackles like a gremlin next to him.

When they finally have sex for the first time, there's no special occasion. There's no rush on the quiet Wednesday evening, after they toss a volleyball around for a few hours after Hinata gets home from work. They get bentos from the store on the way home, they watch anime while they eat, they get ready for bed. It's all unhurried, and slow, and exactly what both of them could have wanted. Hinata knows it is for him.

He knows it is for Kageyama, because when he is at last ready, he is music.

Music in the way his low voice rumbles in his chest as he kisses the back of Hinata's neck and his shoulders, and asks if he's sleepy yet. No, he's not—not when Kageyama sounds like that.

There's a melody in his touch when he runs his hands over Hinata's whole body, brushes the hair off his forehead and cups his cheeks when they kiss, trails his fingers down Hinata's chest and stomach, palms and lips warm on his thighs. All slow and measured like there's a song playing only he can hear.

And then Hinata swears he hears it, too, twisting his hands in the sheets, back arching off the bed, moaning softly as Kageyama takes him in his mouth, and that's—that's so good, he would be blissful enough with just this, for sure. But then Kageyama pulls himself back up, resting his forearms on either side of Hinata's head.

"I love you," Hinata says, at the same time Kageyama says, "Tonight."

They both look at each other blankly, for a second.

Then Kageyama starts to fill up all red, from his chest up his neck to his forehead, and Hinata presses his palms to the other man's cheeks.

"Yes, tonight," he says, before Kageyama can get too overwhelmed by these two concurrent milestones. "Yes, I love you."

Kageyama nods, furiously, which is about all he can manage right now, Hinata suspects. He beams up at him to show him that's fine, all is understood.

They've practiced a _lot_ now, mostly on Hinata, because he really, really wants Kageyama in him, and he's not embarrassed by it. But Kageyama, he's laid back against the sheets and taken Hinata's fingers, too (and liked it), so they're both reasonably experienced at this.

Still, it is a whole different ballgame, when it finally comes down to it. Theory versus practice. Training camp games versus tournament matches.

"Fwoooo—" Hinata breathes out, looking up at Kageyama, who is frowning so hard it looks painful. "That's—full."

"I'm not in all the way," Kageyama tells him, and Hinata's eyes widen.

"Oh."

"Does it hurt?" Kageyama demands.

"Um… no," Hinata lies. It's a tiny lie. It only hurts a little bit, but not that much. It's always like this, getting used to it. "Just go slow."

"I am going slow!"

"Continue maintaining your current speed," Hinata says blandly, and Kageyama glares down at him.

He keeps easing in, a little bit at a time, and Hinata breathes, and thinks about how hot Kageyama is, and how he really, truly wants this right now. Maybe five minutes from now when he's adjusted. He'll get there.

Seven years, for them to get to this night.

Kageyama gasps above him, just a little tiny breath, and then he stops moving. Hinata reaches up to brush his bangs back, a question in his gaze, and Kageyama nods at him, eyelids fluttering a bit.

"You okay?" Hinata asks.

Kageyama lets out a shaky sort-of laugh. "Are you? I'm okay, I'm—" His voice wavers, and he cuts himself off.

Hinata pulls him down as slowly and carefully as he can, and Kageyama buries his face in his neck. Seven years.

"It feels really good, huh? Probably because I am the best." Hinata says this to give Kageyama an out over what is undoubtedly an unanticipated swell of emotion. He's not expecting Kageyama to nod.

"You are," he says, sounding a bit choked up. "Shouyou, I love you, too."

 _Dammit,_ Hinata thinks, as his vision immediately starts to get distressingly blurry. _Jeez._ "Bakageyama! If you make both of us cry, I'll never forgive you!"

Kageyama pulls back to look at him, and his eyes are bright, but dry. "I'm okay," he says again. "But it's been years, it's about time I told you."

He says it so bluntly that Hinata laughs. "Okay. It's about time you started moving, too."

It is about time. He's adjusted, he's relaxed, Kageyama loves him (officially, it has been said).

It's slow, at first, really slow. It feels to Hinata like Kageyama is barely moving his hips, and even that's a bit much, at first. But this, like all things that are worth waiting for, takes time.

"More, Kageyama," he whispers into Kageyama's ear, wrapping his arms around the other man's neck. As ever, when Hinata wants something of him, Kageyama gives it.

And then, as always, they are what the other needs.

There's that spark of connection Hinata has only ever felt with one person, no matter the context it's framed in, the one that drew him to Kageyama, made him fall so fast, so soon. The one that lets him understand Kageyama, where no one else does, even though they are so different.

Kageyama's sound is a soft, strung moan, and Hinata's name sounds like music in his voice.

It does feel good now, some mix of Hinata's happiness, and Kageyama's feelings for him, and the way he moves inside him—and when Kageyama shifts forward, presses Hinata's legs a little closer to his chest so his hips lift, Hinata's eyes fly open wide and he gasps out, "Tobio—"

And from there, he unravels, comes apart as Kageyama grabs onto his hand and squeezes it tight, rocking into him _hard_ like this isn't the very first time they've ever tried this, and Hinata is done.

The last thing he sees before his eyes shut against the pleasure is Kageyama staring down at him with something like awe, and he doesn't open his eyes again until he feels Kageyama's hips stutter, and hears him moan. He looks just in time to see Kageyama scrunch his eyes closed, mouth falling open—he's perfect. No nearly. This was perfect.

It takes them a little while to move, afterward. Kageyama couldn't, even if he'd wanted to, because Hinata's hands are tangled in his hair as he kisses him fervently, delightedly. Hinata suspects he wouldn't want to move anyway, because if anything, he kisses back even harder.

They eventually get cleaned up before they can become too horribly sticky, tumbling back into each other's arms as soon as they're both dry. Kageyama kisses Hinata's cheeks way too many times, and tells him, "I want to sing to you. Is that weird?"

Hinata cocks his head. "Why would that be weird?"

Kageyama shrugs. "I don't know. Is it weird to sing to someone after you bang them?"

Hinata pokes his cheek. "Sing."

Kageyama drops his forehead to Hinata's and closes his eyes. Hinata winds his fingers into his dark hair, smiling, closing his eyes, too. He listens to Kageyama's voice, soft and low, the tune carrying from his lips to ghost across Hinata's.

He has heard Kageyama sing so many ways, so many times, in so many situations. Sometimes they're happy, sometimes not, but always, if Hinata listens, he can hear what Kageyama is trying to say, trying to tell him. And tonight's song is no different. No matter how they grow and change through the years, they do it together. 

The song is one of those old, English ones, a famous one, catchy and simple. Even Hinata knows almost all the words, though he mostly just hums along, nodding his head to the upbeat tempo, while Kageyama sings to him.

This song starts: _L, is for the way you look at me._

And it ends: _Love was made for me and you._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [[@esselley](http://esselley.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr, [@Esselle_hq](https://twitter.com/Esselle_hq) on Twitter]


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